My Trip to Walmart, and Why You Should Emtpy Your 401K

My cell phone stopped working yesterday. It got wet when Kip and I got rained on during an otherwise excellent hike in Rocky Mountain National Park on Sunday, and just stopped working correctly.

Being a cheapskate, I have a pre-paid cell phone. Before you snicker, realize that I pay $100 per year for my cell phone service, get and make all the calls I feel the need to, and send text messages. No hidden charges or other crap. $100 a year!

So, I went to Walmart to buy a new T-Mobile phone to put my sim card in. Now, living here in Boulder, a trip to Walmart is a big deal. We don't have one here in the People's Republic. Many Boulderites have decided that the Walmart is the root of all evil, and blocked an effort to build one about 10 years ago. In fact, the only thing I think I am less likely to see in my lifetime than a Walmart is a stature of George W. Bush.

I had to go 10 miles to Lafayette to visit a Walmart so I haven't been in one in years. Let me just say, there are a couple nice things about Walmart. First, I felt so thin!!! Everyone here in Boulder is young and skinny. At Walmart, the folks make me look studly. Gotta like that! Also, the have everything. Not only did I get the phone I needed, but I picked up some veggies, milk, and razor blades.

Speaking of things that are everywhere in America but Boulder, we also have very few Christians here. Well, at least not the kind who believe the whack-jobs who preach on TV. So, I had to find the truth about the date of Jesus' return in the Colorado Springs Gazette, because "The Springs", as we call it, is crawling with right-wing Christian whackos.

Well, the date, at least according to THIS STORY is May 21 next year, which will set off Armageddon and the Rapture and the end of the world. So, we only have a bit more than 9 months to empty our retirement accounts and have some fun, before those of us who don't believe the right crazy shit will be sent to hell. Might as well have had a good time before we go! So, don't just sit there reading this, start emptying that IRA and planning a party.