Many of you have been reading my xmas poem for many years, but probably don't know the rules I set for myself in writing it. As I sit down to write this years atrocity, I remind myself I must:
1) Include a "Steve Miller" rhyme. The 70's rocker famously stretched the idea for rhyming with couplets like "Texas" and "facts is" and "abracadabra, I wanna reach out and grab ya". In tribute, I put a strained rhyme in every year. My favorites: Pterodactyl and tactful, and secular and nucular.
2) Use Yiddish. Hey, every since my friends in college taught me the correct pronunciation of "schwartza", I've been in love with the language. I consider this a tribute to my many Jewish friends who may feel left out at xmas. And if Santa is in the poem, he's the one who uses it!
3) Misspell something. Some folks love that feeling of superiority you get from pointing out other's mistakes, so I misspell a word, or leave other errors in there for them to point out. I consider this an xmas gift to my sister.
4) Don't offend anyone. Right, and I'm really tall and thin too!