tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7167716561406392092024-03-21T02:25:11.514-06:00The Tall Thin GuyMusings on our nutty world!Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger557125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-716771656140639209.post-1200291722113111592020-12-19T13:14:00.000-07:002020-12-19T13:14:05.694-07:002020 XMAS POEM WITH SPECIAL GUEST <p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/Pcx78owcaRg" width="320" youtube-src-id="Pcx78owcaRg"></iframe></div><br /><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0 0 0 40px; padding: 0px;"><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #cc0000; font-size: medium;">Here is my annual Xmas Poem. Apologies for he quality of the sound from my computer! Enjoy, and Happy Whatever!</span></p></blockquote><p><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 17pt; font-weight: 700; text-decoration-line: underline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 17pt; font-weight: 700; text-decoration-line: underline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Escape Before Xmas (as told by Melania Trump)</span></p><span id="docs-internal-guid-de875e37-7fff-9d5f-f5ac-bee68f0c06e3"><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">T’was almost fucking Christmas and at the White House</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I was living in hell because of my spouse</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The loser still thinks he can steal the election</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As much chance of that as he gets an erection</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">He went on Fox & Friends so that he could vent</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">While I banged a hot secret service agent</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I had to get out, I was making a plan</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">To get myself rid of that fat rancid yam</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And now off to Canada I plan to go</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m going to get me some Justin Trudeau!</span></p><br /><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I was packing my bags full of expensive clothes</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There was no way i could go on without those</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Dresses from every famous designer</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">After I ditched that stupid fat whiner</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In Hermes, Givenchys and Christian Diors</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And Gucci and Lauren and Micheal Kors</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When from the Rose Garden I heard a hubbub</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I thought maybe Donald fell in a shrub</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But there in the yard was a stupid red sled</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">With a bunch of gross critters I hoped were all dead</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And a man with a beard who was fatter than Don</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And you wouldn’t believe the suit he had on</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">With red pants, red coat and red stocking cap</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">He must shop at Walmart for this kind of crap</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But it’s near fucking christmas so I knew real quick</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This bastard must be that fat fuck St. Nick</span></p><br /><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">He crashed through the door and fell on his rump</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Looked up and said “Hello Mrs. Trump”</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Nice Suit” I told Santa “And who trims your beard?</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It’ looks like Don’s hair, it’s so fucking weird”</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Wow”, he replied, as his nose gave a twitch</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I see why everyone says you’re a bitch!</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You got by all your life because of your looks</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And now you’re surrounded by nothing but crooks”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I wasn’t about to take shit from this guy</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I called Secret Service but got no reply</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Shut up” I told the fat man on the floor</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“You can’t talk to me like someone who’s poor</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m the first lady, I have no master</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I wear Jimmy Choo’s to a natural disaster”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The fat guy just scowled then gave me a wink</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I’m Santa, and you’re not as rich as you think</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Don’s got less money than he has class</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The scumbag’s in debt up to his fat ass</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">With all the loans he will have to repay</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You’ll end up back modeling lingerie</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And I know how you really despise the orange man</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’ve seen you scowl when he goes for you hand</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You act like the bastard really should thankya</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But he’d rather be banging his daughter Ivanka</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You married Schmuck a la orange cuz you thought he had billions</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Then you end up in a tennis pavilion!”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">That was all I could take, it was time to Be Best</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I said “Have you come here to just be a pest?</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I thought you’re supposed to spread holiday cheer?</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But you’ve been an asshole since you got here </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">If you have no gifts then off you should go</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">To see Stormy Daniels, that HO HO HO!”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Oh I’ve got a gift” Santa said with a smile</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“It’s one that you’ve wanted for quite a while</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You want to get rid of your cheating man</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And get hold of his money while you still can”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Oh Santa” I said, “that cannot be real</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">To wed Cheetoman you must sign a deal</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">That gives you just enough money for life</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When he says it’s time for a much younger wife”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Now Santa chuckled, then laughed really hard</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Then reached in his pocket and pulled out a card</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Here’s the one gift to which you’ll say ‘Yup”</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“It’s a lawyer who’ll get around your prenup!”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">He threw it at me and then walked away</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And stormed out the door and jumped in his sleigh</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And Shouted “I don’t know now what you will do</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But a Merry Fucking Christmas to you!”</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Then said “Let’s roll” and reindeer did bound</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And pulled the whole rig up off the ground</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As it took off it made such a racket</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I was reminded of my cheap Zara jacket</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And I yelled out to Santa as off his sled flew</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“ Hey Santa, I don’t really care, do you?”</span></p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-716771656140639209.post-20017322410331043582020-12-01T16:04:00.000-07:002020-12-01T16:04:24.077-07:00The Man Who Turned Down the Sports Section!<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiae9pUGrrdo5vBu14IxButCjHr8dRUndtmqQshXBArNQrsazJbA5RGWVqQMYQ3A42Sgcp2L9huMb-vRU_LcYak3jqHcD5_3m6ETKg-1w70R8eLXIy6xeVyYk6iBO-Kw46Cb2JmJDCep8L6/s298/aaaaa.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="169" data-original-width="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiae9pUGrrdo5vBu14IxButCjHr8dRUndtmqQshXBArNQrsazJbA5RGWVqQMYQ3A42Sgcp2L9huMb-vRU_LcYak3jqHcD5_3m6ETKg-1w70R8eLXIy6xeVyYk6iBO-Kw46Cb2JmJDCep8L6/s0/aaaaa.png" /></a></div><br /> <p></p><p><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">This is a story I liked to tell to my Economics students. See if you can guess why.</span></p><span id="docs-internal-guid-9bc8e9ab-7fff-88a2-6544-a69cdf185722"><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In the 1980’s I worked for a small company that marketed credit cards for department stores, back in the day when every city had a few regional stores. My office was in a one story building located on the corner of Sheridan and Elmwood in Kenmore, NY, a detail only important to the Buffalonians reading this. I liked to leave the office for lunch, and several had options within walking distance. One of the choices was one of the many good Greek restaurants you could find in the Buffalo area.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In the 80’s I was in a fantasy baseball league, or Rotisserie league, as they were known in those days. This was pre-internet, of course, and in those primitive times the best daily sports information was to be found in USA Today, making it required reading for me at lunch every day. (As a side note to this, because of this habit, several times I returned to the office to inform my boss that one of our customers had filed for bankruptcy!). Most days I happily enjoyed my lunch with the colorful national paper, and newsprint covering my hands. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">One day I walk into the Greek joint with the paper and take a seat at the counter a few seats away from an older man who smiles and says hello. He was eating alone, with no reading material, a situation I still can’t imagine, so he was happy to chat about anything. We talked a bit about the usual stuff, then I got into the sports section. When I was done with it, I offered him the sports section, because that’s what guys do. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Thanks, but I can’t read” he replied. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I tried not to let on how shocked I was. I guess I grew up in a very fortunate situation, because as far as I know that was the first person I had ever met who could not read. I didn’t think such a person existed in this country! I could barely imagine it. I thought maybe he was kidding, but there was no indication that this was a joke.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">My offer led to us talking a bit more. I have no recollection of how the conversation progressed to the point where he told me this:</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“This morning I saw this guy in a wheelchair. I offered him a few bucks because I figured there was no way a guy like that could make a living.” </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Again, there was kind of a stunned silence on my part. The man who couldn’t read thought the man in the wheelchair was handicapped? The man who couldn’t READ, thought the man in the wheelchair was handicapped! </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I pretty much let this drop at this point. But on the walk back to my office I thought about how I could easily do my job without functioning legs. Hell, Stephen Hawking managed to succeed for years in his severely disabled state. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">At this point you might be able to figure out why I would speak of this in an Econ class. One of the things that separates rich countries from poor is called “Human Capital”, meaning the education and skill level of the people. The correlation between literacy rates and GDP/person is as close to perfect as you can get. So, I would ask the class, who was more disabled, my friend who couldn’t read, or the man in the wheelchair, assuming that man was literate. In fact, can you even imagine a job you could do today that didn’t require some minimal level or reading? This story was almost too perfect for teaching this, and I’m not sure my students didn’t think I made it up. I wish I was so clever. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I wonder if my illiterate friend lived into the days of the internet and social media. If so, what a shame that his disability would have prevented him from enjoying the extreme pleasure of arguing with an idiot on social media!</span></p><br /></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-716771656140639209.post-21524680451803712082019-12-18T17:46:00.001-07:002019-12-18T17:46:44.237-07:00Xmas Poem: A Secular Xmas.It's that time again. Solstice is coming. Everyone is finishing their gravity related shopping for Sir Isaac's birthday. And people will be trying to figure out exactly how the hell you spell Chaunnukah. That means I have also recorded another of my inspirational Xmas Poems. I hope you enjoy.<br />
<iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/hpHjXon6UkY" width="560"></iframe>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-716771656140639209.post-77161280825887174192019-12-18T17:41:00.000-07:002019-12-18T17:41:16.984-07:00Xmas 2019 A Secular Xmas in text form.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">For those of you who can't stand my voice, but hate my writing a little less, here is the text of my Xmas poem. Enjoy!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><b><span style="color: red;">A SECULAR XMAS</span></b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Twas the night before Xmas and I was kvetching<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">It’s that time of year when my values
are stretching<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I’d bought all these presents that I
was to wrap<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">When I knew that this holiday was a
bunch of crap<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The halls had all been decked out with
holly<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">To honor a story that was nothing but
folly<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">There’d be joy and drinking and lots
of mirth<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Because of some nonsense about virgin
birth.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Just as I was stuffing a secular
stocking <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I heard on my door a rather loud
knocking<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I opened the portal only to see <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">A fellow you’d not think would visit
me<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">He had a white beard that looked
really fine<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">And a gut that was even bigger than
mine<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">And black boots on whose shine he didn’t
skimp<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">And a red velvet suit like you’d see
on a pimp<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">He stood in the doorway grinning a
grin<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">And said “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I</i>t’s cold out here, can I come in?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I invited him in, and was amazed <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">When to my fridge a path he did blaze<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">And from it what did Santa pull out<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">But 2 tasty bottles of Left Hand Milk
Stout<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">He popped off the caps and handed me
one<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Sat on the couch and said “What’s up
son?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“Well Santa” I said “I’m feeling some
grief<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">About this season that’s based on a
silly belief <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The story of Xmas is surely not true<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">It makes far more sense to believe in
you<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">For at least every Xmas you’re down
at the mall<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">And unlike God, you’ve been seen by
all<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">One would have to be mentally lazy <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">To believe a story that is so
outright crazy <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">About mangers and wise men and stars
in the sky<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">To dream that all up someone had to
be high<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">And if Jesus existed he was surely not
born<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">In a barn on December 25<sup>th</sup>
morn”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">But despite the way I give the season
these knocks<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">You know I am stuck in this paradox<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">For while I am proud to be atheist <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">It would be awful if Xmas was missed<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Cause I like this holiday, you can
say that<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The lights and the music and your red
hat<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">And how people behave in a friendly
way<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">And movies with Bing and Danny Kaye<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Or a kid who wants a Red Rider gun<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">And opening presents surely is fun<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I dig that Xmas song by Mel Torme<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">And even the one where apparel is gay<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Yes, I can say it would please me to
pieces<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">If we could have xmas without
mentioning Jesus<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Santa took a big gulp and let out a
sigh<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“Well I notice that many nice gifts
you did buy<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">And although you are someone who does
not believe<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">There’s reason for you to have fun
Xmas eve<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The Christians, you see, claimed if
for their own<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">But long before that was a party in
Rome<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Called Saturnalia that went on for 8
days<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">And people behaved in quite crazy
ways.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">It was not cuz of Jesus, that is
quite clear<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">But because of the shortest day of
the year.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">So selling their bullshit was really
the reason<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Christians chose A Pagan Holiday to
call Xmas season<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“That’s right” Santa said, “It was easy to do<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">They even had pine trees with lights
on them too<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Its not Jesus’ birthday , that’s sure
as shootin’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">But it is the birthday <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>of Sir Isaac Newton!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">So now whenever you see a nice Xmas
tree<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Think of the guy who discovered
gravity!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Santa finished his beer and said
“You’re not nuts<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">To deny xmas is fun you would be such
a putz<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Go ahead and relax and enjoy this fun
season<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">And leave the religion to those who
don’t reason<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Let me leave you with this fore I hop
in my sled<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">It’s a thought you should always keep
in your head<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">You’ll hear it from me or the Easter
Bunny<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Religious holidays are all about
money!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">He then gave me a chocolate wrapped
up in gold<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">And just like that headed out in the
cold.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">And so ,Every Xmas, wherever you roam<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">You’ll encounter nice folks who don’t
buy the tome<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">About Jesus and God and dudes who
brought Myrrh<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">And Mary got pregnant but Joe didn’t
schtupp her<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">They give gifts and watch videos of
the Yule Log<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Sing carols and laugh and drink Egg
Nog<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">That this holiday is for everyone
surely’s not news<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The Christians, the Athiests, and
even the Jews<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Though my idea of Xmas you might find
crass<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">At least I don’t have to attend
midnight mass!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">MERRY WHATEVER AND HAPPY SOMETHING OR
OTHER!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-716771656140639209.post-32881913982504492412018-12-20T15:12:00.001-07:002018-12-20T15:12:22.647-07:002018 Xmas Poem, as read by Orson Wells<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/s80mGIqAIlo" width="480"></iframe>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-716771656140639209.post-15645812371099612042018-12-20T14:03:00.003-07:002018-12-20T14:03:31.946-07:002018 Xmas Poem, for those who can read<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="-webkit-text-decoration-skip: none; background-color: transparent; color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration-skip-ink: none; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="-webkit-text-decoration-skip: none; background-color: transparent; color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration-skip-ink: none; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="-webkit-text-decoration-skip: none; background-color: transparent; color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration-skip-ink: none; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">A DAMP XMAS AT THE NORTH POLE (as told by Phineas J. Elf)</span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-713e299a-7fff-6dd3-d836-deb519752581" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">Twas the night before XMas, things are not looking good</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">As I cling desperately to a small piece of wood</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">We’d worked all year long to make wonderful toys</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">So Santa could give them to good girls and boys</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">But now all the toys that we had created </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">Were floating around us, all saturated</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">The ice on which our workshop should be </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">Had melted this year and turned into a sea.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">Now Santa has nothing to load in his sleigh</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">No toys to deliver on this Xmas day.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">The weather was warmer than ever before</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">Because so many folks thought it wise to ignore</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">Warnings from scientists for so many years </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">That their behavior would soon lead to tears</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">They called it alarmist, they thought it funny</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">They thought it was stupid to spend any money</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">To keep the world temps from rising so high</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">That the glaciers would melt and the forests would fry</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">Now the oceans are rising and the pole ice is gone</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">But you won’t hear those assholes say they were wrong</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">Santa Claus was unworried, we all heard him laugh</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">As his wife floated by on a pink rubber raft</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">Enjoying the warmth in a yellow bikini</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">With a huge smile and a bigger martini</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">And then we saw something that was truly not neeto</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">When Santa appeared in his tiny red speedo</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">And over his suit flopped a great big hunk</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">Of his belly fat so you can’t see his junk</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">His red suit and hat he seemed happy to doff</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">So he could enjoy this Xmas off.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">“Screw them!” he said “this must be what they wanted</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">When they ignored science and instead flaunted</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">Their big fancy cars that burned fossil fuels.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">No Xmas for them, the dumb fucking tools.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">If Those putzes like Trump are so in love with coal</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">Then I’ll just relax here at the North Pole”</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><br /></b><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">That was all fine for Santa, he was afloat</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">He had his nice raft,and we’d built him a boat</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">But for us elves this was quite a jam</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">Because we are short and none of us swam</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">And the jobs on which for years we’ve depended</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">They were gone now, our lives were upended</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">“Hey fellas,’ said Santa” your work is completed</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">Without a North Pole, you’re no longer needed</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">So just float towards land and live out your days</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">From what you have saved in your 401Ks.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">You won’t see me singing the holiday blues</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">I’m spending this Xmas on a Greek Island cruise</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">By the way, have you seen Rudolph around”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">“No” I replied” all the reindeer have drowned”.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">And so we’re afloat, with nowhere to go</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">Because there’s no polar ice, and no winter snow</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">We’ll have to make lives wherever we land</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">Maybe it will be LA and we can start a band</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">But one thing is certain, on thing is clear</span></div>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">You’ll have a hot Xmas and a sizzling New Year.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"><br /></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-716771656140639209.post-71169738071006691842017-12-15T16:01:00.003-07:002017-12-15T16:01:50.856-07:00Xmas 2017: No Xmas This Year, (as told by Mr. S. Claus)It's that happy time of year again, and what is more festive than my annual poem. So here it is. Enjoy, happy Whatever.<br />
<iframe allow="encrypted-media" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" gesture="media" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/rQz_yuKtrzg" width="560"></iframe><br />
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="-webkit-text-decoration-skip: none; background-color: transparent; color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.999999999999998pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration-skip-ink: none; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">No Xmas This Year (as told by Mr. S. Claus)</span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-dad60a58-5c68-78d7-e2aa-1c50e07c6f3d" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">Its the night before Xmas and all is quite grim</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">No reason to carol nor the tree to get trim</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">No purpose to hanging the stockings with care</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">Cuz there’s no chance that Santa will show up this year</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">No flying sleigh shall by Santa be mounted</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">My reindeer and I, I’m afraid, have been grounded.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: lime;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">There will be no Xmas, but I don’t blame myself</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">This problem all started with that loudmouth elf</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">You know the one, with that really cute tushy</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">Just the right combination of firmness and cushy</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">She was wearing a pair of those tight yoga pants</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">And while she worked she was doing a dance</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">Watching her move just brought me such bliss</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">What could I do? I couldn’t resist!</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">Over to her I went in a blink</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">Looked her in the eye, and gave her a wink</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">And said “Hey there elf Judy, you sure are cute</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: lime;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Would you like to see what’s beneath my red suit”</span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Then in a move that would cost me some cash</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">I undid my black belt and gave her a flash</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">And what I did next was also quite dumb</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">I placed my jolly hand on her lovely bum.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: lime;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">For some reason Judy seemed less than amused</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">She told everybody that she’s been abused.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">First she filed a complaint with the North Pole HR</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">Then talked to a reporter from the Northern Lights Star</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">And Despite all my efforts to keep all this local</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">She got even madder, even more vocal</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">She hired a lawyer and got on TV</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">Blabbed to 60 minutes and MSNBC</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">She’d talk to a journalist from anywhere</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">Except Fox. I’m not a democrat so they dont care. </span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">I knew it was they end, that I had no hope, yuh</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">When she sat on the couch for a long chat with Oprah!</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: lime;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">Well, after that all hell broke loose</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">as every elf who I’d given the goose</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">Backed up her story by telling their own</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">Including that shiksa by whom I’d been blown</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">When I told her that she must succumb to my power</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">Or She’d be cleaning toilets in New York at Trump Tower.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">And it wasn’t just elves, oh, no, no, no</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">But the mommies from under the mistletoe</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">Because it turned out that many were pissed</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">they thought it was their husbands who they had kissed.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: lime;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">The reaction was deep as the Buffalo snow</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">The cries came from all over “Santa must go”</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">From Congress, from Hollywood, and late night TV</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">It seemed all the world had just turned on me</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">Folks who once loved my white beard and red suit</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">Wanted nothing more now than to give me the boot.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">People who loved me when they were young</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">Cursed St. Nick and said that I should be hung.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">(And I am! Ask elf Judy)</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: lime;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">I gathered around the friends I still had</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">They all agreed, the situation was bad</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">And I knew it was over when good old Rudolph</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">Said I should give up, and just go play golf.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">So after 3 glasses of my favorite red wine</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">I told Anderson Cooper that I would resign.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: lime;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">So, no Xmas this year. Santa’s been beaten.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">The elves were laid off, the reindeer’ve been eaten</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">And as for me, I’ve got a new place</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">At a rehab resort for those in disgrace</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">Where I have a group session every day</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">With Franken and Weinstien and Louis CK</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">And Rose and Batali and Barton and Frank</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">And a few other schmucks who’ve showed of their crank.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">Our daily sessions are what is in store</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">When we are joined shortly by Trump, Farenthold and Moore.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">But each of us knows one day we’ll be back</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;">Hey, that group session leader sure has a nice rack!</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: lime;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Uplifting as a Hallmark movie! Hope your 2018 is better than this shitty year!</span></div>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-716771656140639209.post-88677857617134886292016-12-17T13:15:00.000-07:002016-12-17T13:15:03.743-07:002016 Annual Xmas Poem!It's that time again! Time for another heart warming Xmas tale. This year's is particularly touching, and should probably be made into a film, but Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye are dead. Here's the video:<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/auYACS_f61k" width="560"></iframe><br />
<br />
And, if you'd like to read it yourself:<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 40px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Xmas At Drumpf Tower</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 32px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #ff9900; font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">as told by an Orange Turd</span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-ae4c9372-0e66-d54d-2e4e-4e7f0c3a9b10" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">Twas the night before Xmas and all through the Tower</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">There was a sense of excitement with my brand new power</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">The servants, of course, were shivering in fear</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">Knowing my wrath might always appear</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">I’d made them sign contracts so they’d never blab</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">And each woman’s pussy had been given a grab</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">It was going to be a great Xmas night</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">And it, like my friends, would be nothing but white</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">I’d had my last fabulous wonderful meeting</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">And had just settled in for a great night of tweeting</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">And soon I would be all snug in my bed</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">While visions of Ivanka danced in my head.</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">Awaiting St Nick with gifts of great worth</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">Because I am the smartest person on earth</span></i></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><i><span style="color: red;"><br /></span></i></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">I had gone to the mirror to admire my coiffure</span></i></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">Laughing at what I’d made Romney endure</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">When out on the patio I heard a loud sound</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">I was sure that old Santa had just touched down</span></i></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">Having flown from the pole, where it is so cold</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">To bring me more things with my name stamped in gold</span></i></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">Instead through the window crashed a large ugly beast</span></i></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">More hideous than Hillary by three times at least</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">It had giant horns like the ones on a goat</span></i></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">And a strong stench was coming from its brown fur coat</span></i></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">Carrying bells in one hand and a chain in the other</span></i></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">And a long scary tongue: this was one ugly mother</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">Big fangs were coming from it’s smelly mouth</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">It reminded me of my voters down in the south. </span></i></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><i><span style="color: red;"><br /></span></i></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">I yelled “What the hell! You’re not St. Nick!”</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">It growled back at me “Shut up you dick!</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">I am not Santa Claus, that much is true</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">He doesn’t visit a scumbag like you</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">For putzes with nothing but shit in their head</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">Get visits from me, evil Krampus instead!”</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">“What the hell is a Krampus” I strongly inquired</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">“Get out of my house. I say you’re fired!”</span></i></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><i><span style="color: red;"><br /></span></i></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">He spit in my face and kicked me in the balls</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">Then tore down the paintings of me on my walls</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">“You see, Donnieboy, you’ve been very bad</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">And because of your lies a great nation’s been had</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">You misled the country to form a strong bond</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">With schmucks too stupid to know they’d been conned</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">Like you give a shit about the working class</span></i></span></div>
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<i><span style="color: red;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But you lied and you got them to all kiss your ass</span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span></span></i></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">There’ll be no Xmas joy as you had expected</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">Because of the way you got elected.</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">You just wanted glory, and power and money</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">To get adulation and grope every honey</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">You got racist people hollerin and hootin</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">And you sucked the dick of that bastard Putin</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">The life of the Donald is one great big scam</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">You’re less of a person than a rancid yam</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">You do nothing from which you will not gain</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">So this year, Donnieboy, you get nothing but pain!”</span></i></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><i><span style="color: red;"><br /></span></i></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">Then he punched me real hard, right in the jaw</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">And I really cried at the next thing I saw </span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">He grabbed all the books I pretend to have written</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">The only ones with which I am smitten</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">And whipped out his wiener and let out a strong pee</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">Then called me a gonif as he aimed some at me</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">He hit me real hard with that big rusty chain</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">and cackled aloud as he did it again</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">“I hear you love coal” he said with whoop</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">Then pulled down the pants of my suit with one swoop</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">What he did with the coal I’d rather not say</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">But I’ll be pooping black until Valentine’s day</span></i></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><i><span style="color: red;"><br /></span></i></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">I was writhing in pain from the coal up my shitter</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">But soon I will call him a loser on twitter</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">“Okay I”m done” he said with a punch</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">As he grabbed my beautiful hair in a bunch</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">And slapped me once more with a hand quite hirsute</span></i></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">“Now I’m off to see your boys Rudy and Newt</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">And your racist friend Bannon will get a hard smack</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">And I’ll tell him that Santa and Jesus are black”.</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">Then into my gut I felt one more thump</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">“ America was great til it voted for Trump!”</span></i></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><i><span style="color: red;"><br /></span></i></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">So this Xmas Santa won’t bring me more stuff</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">You might think a rich guy like me had enough</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">But I have another idea in store</span></i></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">Cuz I’ll use my new job to score me some more.</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">Yes, getting even richer will be my play</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="color: red;">If my boss Vladimir says it okay.</span></i></span></div>
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Happy Holidays. And if you can do an impersonation of the groper in chief and would like to record this, please share it with me.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-716771656140639209.post-55814866027154321232015-12-16T14:38:00.002-07:002015-12-16T14:47:26.743-07:002015 Xmas Poem. It's that time again! Time for another uplifting xmas story from the Charles Dickens of our generation....oh, wait, no, I wrote it. Well, I hope you enjoy, and that you have a great holiday season and a fantastic New Year!<br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">6 DECADES OF XMAS</span></span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-3ef8b3ac-acb7-672a-5ab8-3dee07c93973" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Twas the night before Xmas and I was feeling filleted</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">In 8 days I would begin my 7th decade</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Old age was upon me like a wicked curse</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It was just about time to start dining at Furr’s</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It seems so long since my eyes had a glint</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Now it was time to buy books in large print</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I used to go home with girls who looked nice</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Now I bed down with a CPAP device</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">How did so much time just slip away?</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I swear I was 30 just yesterday!</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I was prone on the couch nursing my aching knee</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Fighting the urge to get up and pee</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">When out on the patio I heard a loud thud</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So loud that it sent a chill through my blood</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I threw open the door to see what was the matter</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Though I really wanted to empty my bladder</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">And who was there sitting in my rocking chair</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">But the bearded fat dude who comes round every year</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I pulled up a chair so that I could sit</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">And said “Santa, again? I’m too old for this shit!</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“Yes you are old” said Santa through his snowy beard</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“At your age I guess it’s not Santa who’s feared”:</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">You don’t need the gifts that folks buy on a whim</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">You’re more concerned with the reaper so grim.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">You no longer dream of the girls you could roger</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">You’re not much more than an ancient grave dodger</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It is your mortality about which you most think</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Now let me inside and get me a drink”.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We went into the house and I grabbed him a glass </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">while down on the couch he plopped his fat ass</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">He said “Come on, its Xmas, don’t look so sad”</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">As I poured him 2 fingers of Old Grand Dad</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">He considered his drink with a look that was crappy</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“You own 2 buses and you’re not drinking Pappy?</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“Up Yours!” I told Santa, with no regret</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“Better than milk and cookies, I would bet”</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“Santa” I asked “ what brings you here?</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I doubt that you brought any new toys this year</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Stuff for the old is not one of your niches</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The only sack that you have is the one in your britches”</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The fat bastard grinned and adjusted his hat</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">How’d he live all these years, being that fat?</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“You think I’m not sick of doing this job</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Having to bring toys so kids will not sob</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">They sit on my lap and beg while they pee</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Then leave sour milk and stale cookies for me</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Doing that every Xmas totally sucks</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I’m sick and tired of these little schmucks”</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Hearing this I was shocked, it made my brain hazy</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It was like Trump has said something not batshit crazy</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Santa quitting was not a thought I could think</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I bit my pot cookie and slurped down my drink</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“Santa this is insane” I quickly objected</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“Millions of kids will be so dejected”</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“So what” Santa said as he emptied his glass</span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“those little putzes can all kiss my ass!</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I came by your house do see if you’d join me</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Cuz that new Star Wars movie I’m itching to see</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">And to make sure we kill the holiday blues</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We’ll get some Chinese, just like the Jews”</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">A heartwarming story, well, this is not it</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">For Santa and I, the movie we hit</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We drank some more bourbon and ate some pot candy</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">And to feel even better we chased it with brandy</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Then off to the theater we surely did go</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">And ate 3 tubs of popcorn while watching the show</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Then we got some eggrolls and moo goo gai pan</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">And that was my Xmas with the jolly fat man.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">That Xmas morning there were many sad faces</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Where kids thought there’d by toys, there were just empty spaces</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So the kids learned a lesson we all know to be true</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 18.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Sometimes life will just crap on you!</span></span></div>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-716771656140639209.post-59186643718548176662014-12-23T19:47:00.000-07:002014-12-23T19:47:29.905-07:002014 Annual Xmas Poem<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/TN2IkjEIiPs?list=UUVEaASakbzO8tIIE1L3dghg" width="560"></iframe><br />
<br />
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<b><u><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>A TOTALLY CONNECTED SOCIAL MEDIA XMAS<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></u></b></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>Twas three days after solstice, also
Xmas eve<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>I was texting my friends that soon I
would leave<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>To meet them for dinner, where we
would gulp<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>Good food from a place with great
ratings on Yelp<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>Of course we’d take pictures of our tasty
chow<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>And post them on Instagram so you
could say “Wow!”<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>I’d bought lots of presents, good
gifts, no crappos<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>From Amazon, Crutchfield, and of
course Zappos<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>My thoughts had been tweeted, my blog
post was written<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>And I’d posted on Facebook everything
that was fittin’<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>I gathered my phones and was ready to
shift<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>Out the door to the car that was
coming from Lyft<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>And just as I pulled on my new
leather jacket <o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>I heard past my earbuds an ungodly racket<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>In the street was a sight too strange
to be true<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>A giant red sleigh pulled by eight
caribou<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>And out of the sled two black boots
hit the ground<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>Worn by a guy with a belly quite round<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>In a red suit and hat that I’d just
have to mock<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>He must have bought it from
Overstock.<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>And on his face was a bushy white
beard.<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>Was this guy a hipster or was he just
weird?<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>He bounded the stairs to my house
awful quick,<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>A fat man so agile? It must be St.
Nick! <o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>(although, I must admit very starkly<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>I thought for a minute it could be
Charles Barkley)<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>I opened the door and saw his great
heft<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>Yes It was Santa. I said “WTF?”<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>“Season’s
greetings young man” He said with a grin<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>“I brought you a gift. Can
I come in?<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>And How ‘bout you increase
the Xmas cheer<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;"><i><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;">By bringing Kris Kringle a
nice cold craft beer</span><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">!”<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>My fridge is not full, I am no
hoarder, <o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>But I quickly brought Santa a barrel
aged porter<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>“Santa” I said, “What a big thrill
for me<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>To see you in person, I mean OMG<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>My friends will never believe this is
true<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>You mind if I get a selfie with you?”<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>“No selfies!”
said Santa, “Don’t be such a boob<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>And no video that you will
put on Youtube, <o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>And no hashtag Santa” said
the bearded old Djin<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;"><i><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;">“And no we will not connect
on Linkedin</span><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">”<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>“But Santa,” I cried “I know you are
old<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>Perhaps you don’t get how your image
is gold<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>I’d get lots of viewers, have lots of
ad clicks<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>And make lots of money and get lots
of chicks<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>With you in a photo my fame would be
vast<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>Would you at least be on my podcast?”<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>Santa stopped smiling and adjusted
his suit<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>And pulled back a foot with a giant
black boot<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>And trust it forward right into my
groin<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>To have that not happen I’d have paid
a bitcoin.<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>“Stop will you please with
this being connected<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>It’s a real stupid way of
getting respected”<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>I writhed on the floor, trying to
breath<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>Hoping that he would just up and
leave<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>Then he pulled a package out of his
sack<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>And landed it into my nuts with a
smack<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>“Here is your gift, you
stupid schnook<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>It’s just what you need: It
is a book!”<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>I was now pretty sure I could not
again pee<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>For this kind of pain there’s no
emogi<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>“Merry Xmas”
he said “And happy New Year”<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>Then in one motion, chugged the whole
beer.<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>“Look at you
on the floor, like you’re all beggy<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;"><i><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;">You’ve really turned into a
big fat shmegege</span><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">”<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>Then he turned on his heels, but
before he would go<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>He said “Ha,
One more thing: LMFO!”<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>What a horrible Xmas, boy I was
miffed<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>But at least the fat bastard left me
a gift<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>Then and I opened it up, and what the
heck<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>The damn book was written by that
nutjob Glenn Beck!<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>So here’s wishing everyone Holiday
cheer<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i>While I hope that my nads will some
day reappear.</i></span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red;"><i><br /></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 19px; line-height: 19.9733333587647px;">There you go, another heartwarming Christmas tale. Enjoy whatever it is you celebrate and be real groovy next year!</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-716771656140639209.post-2520140574350013792013-12-17T14:35:00.000-07:002013-12-17T14:35:08.666-07:002013 Annual Xmas Poem, Again, Read by ME! (With stumbles, of course!)<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/XTrvvl_dFic" width="420"></iframe><br />
<br />
It's that time again! Time for another of my lame efforts to be amusing. This year's poem was actually told to me by Santa Claus himself. Enjoy!<br />
<br />
<b><u>A Week Before Xmas At The North Pole</u></b><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">Twas a week before Xmas and Oh it was
exciting<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">In just one more week I would be
delighting <o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">The good boys and girls in every
nation<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">With toys and games and a brand new
Playstation<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">The reindeer were binging so they’d
have lots of fuel<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">To haul my fat ass round the world on
the Yule<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">Mrs Claus was abuzz, busy cleaning my
suit<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">And putting a shine on every black
boot<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">At the toyshop the elves cared after
each toy<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">Except for that lazy ass drunken elf
Roy<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">I was updating my list of naughty and
nice<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">noting every last act of goodness or
vice<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">When just as I reached to pick up my
quill<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">And downgrade to naughty that dirty
slut Jill<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">I heard in the sky a tremendous roar<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">And saw a black SUV pull up outside
my door<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">Then out jumped 4 guys in dark suits
and sunglasses<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">It occurred to me they were here to
harass us.<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">Our guests created a mighty commotion<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">That vibrated over the whole arctic
ocean<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">The reindeer had scattered from the
overhead copters<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">And Mrs. Claus spit out her brand new
fake choppers<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">While those little wimp elves got all
out of sorts<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">Each one had already shit in his
shorts.<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">When a battering ram smashed the
front door to splinters<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">I was sure this would be one of my
worst winters<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">Over my wrecked door walked one scary
dude<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">I said “You could have knocked! This
is very rude!”<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">He scowled “Shut up Clause, we are
NSA<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">And we didn’t come to the North Pole
to play<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">We’re here for the data that you have
collected <o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">To decide who is good and who is
rejected<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">We’ve tried every trick, every known
hacking caper<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">It’s 2013 who keeps data on paper?<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">Just turn over your info and we’ll
gladly depart<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">And you can get on with being a
Luddite old fart.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">I paused for a minute, not sure what
to do <o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">So he continued “You must know it’s
true<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">We need all information about
everyone<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">Every man, every woman and their 1
day old son<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">Our net has been cast incredibly
wide, <o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">But you shouldn’t be bothered if
you’ve nothing to hide.<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">We know all the members of each
social circle<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">We know who is shtupping Angela
Merkel<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">We hacked World of Warcraft and
follow each cookie<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">We know how much Rudolph owes to his
bookie<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">And that Dancer and Prancer are
partners for life<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">And that shitfaced elf Roy is banging
your wife.<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">But, Santa, you know whose sleeping
or if they’re awake<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">You know who is wholesome and whose
on the take<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">It’s the one piece of data that we do
not possess<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">That’s your naughty-nice list,
so give it here, Yes?”<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">I was now the maddest I’d been in my
life<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">That little twerp Roy was doing my
wife?<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">I bent over and said”Off is what you
can piss<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">Because from my data you will get
bubkes”<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">A sinister grin lit the g-man’s dark
face<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">“OK, you asked for it, Boys trash the
place”<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">His men went through every inch of my
house, <o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">Took every paper, fondled my spouse<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">As they left through the door, which
now was quite breezy<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">He said “just get on the internet and
make our job easy”<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">And Merry Christmas you fat piece of
crap”<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">And just like that they were off like
a snap.<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">For the first time in my life, Santa
was pissed<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">A feeling my wife couldn’t have
missed<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;">“Now how will you know which kid gets
what toy?<br />
I said “Shut up and tell me about you and Roy!”<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><i><span style="color: red;"><br /></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 21px; line-height: 22px;">Well, there you have it. Another uplifting holiday story. Hope you have a Merry Xmas, and a most profitable Fiscal 2014!</span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-716771656140639209.post-56709492166741897592012-12-17T15:52:00.001-07:002012-12-17T15:52:48.065-07:00My Annual Xmas Poem, Read by ME!In case you have forgotten how to read, or, like me you are old and can't ever find your reading glasses, here is this year's Xmas poem read by me. Happy Solstice!<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/FqZsLonvmmk" width="560"></iframe>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-716771656140639209.post-44320637332023284882012-12-17T15:44:00.000-07:002012-12-17T15:44:25.420-07:00My Annual Xmas PoemIt's that time again, time for me to offend old friends and new with my annual Xmas poem. Last year's poem was written from my perspective. This year it is not, as you will be able to tell by the brand of beer the narrator has in his fridge.<br />
<br />
<b><u><span style="color: red;">An Idiots Xmas</span></u></b><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">Twas the
night before Xmas, I was in a bad mood</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">For my house
was quite empty, no TV, no food</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">No tables nor
chairs for resting my bum</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">I’d gone and
done something that’s clearly quite dumb</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">12/21 should
have been the last day</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">For people
on earth to work and to play</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">Now this
year my Xmas will be pretty rough</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">Cuz I’ve
given away all of my stuff.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">I’m living on
Budwieser, ramen and Chickletts</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">Investing
what I have left in lottery tickets.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">I was
bumming about the big Mayan lie</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">When I saw
something strange up in the sky</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">Then on my
roof I heard a loud boom</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">And down
through the chimney and into my room</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">Crashed a
guy I believed in with never a pause</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">There on my
carpet stood old Santa Claus</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">With red
suit, black boots, white beard and all</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">He looked
just like when I’d met him down at the Mall</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">I said “
Santa, I’m so glad to see you this year”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">He said
“Shut up schmuck, do you have any beer?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">I went to
the fridge and grabbed a Bud Light</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">And gave it
to Santa, full of delight</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">He looked at
the can and shook his white head</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">“You call
this a beer? God your brain is dead!”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">He sat on
the floor, and took a big drink</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">I hoped he
would give me a friendly wink</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">But instead
he said “Look, kid, I’m visiting you</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">Cuz you must
stop believing stuff that’s not true</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">Not just the
crap from some crazy Mayan</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">But all the
mechegas that you’ve been buyin’.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">You bought the
predictions of Harold Camping</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">And in seach
of Sasquatch you’ve been out tramping</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">You visited
Scotland to look for Loch Ness</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">And
Homeopathy’s made your health a mess.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">You believe
in astrology and ESP too</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">And alien
autopsies at Area 52</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">And that the
earth is 6000 years old</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">You accept
any crazy shit that you are told!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">I slumped on
the floor and let out a sigh</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">I had to
respond to the big jolly guy</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">“But Santa,”
I said, “I’m sure there is proof</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">There is
stuff on the internet that shows the truth</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">Of witches
and ghosts and reincarnation</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">And that
Obama was born in some other nation</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">And that
antioxidents can cure all ones ills</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">And there’ll
be a Super Bowl for the Buffalo Bills”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">Santa finished
his beer and looked down at the floor</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">I hoped he
was done, but no, he had more</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">“I can only
assume your brain has been hacked</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">You can’t
tell a rumor apart from a fact</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">You invested
with Madoff, you stupid chump</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">And believed
stuff you heard from Donald Trump</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">You think
folks can fly like in the comics</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">You even
believe supply side economics</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">Your lack of
good sense I find quite vexin’</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">Why, you’re
so stupid you could be a Texan!”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">I was so sad
to see that Santa was pissed</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">I said “Perhaps
you’re right, some things I have missed</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;"> but like most Americans, I’m dumb as a stick</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">Real or
counterfeit, how do you pick?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">“Science”
said Santa “Would be a good start</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">And think
with your brain, and not with your heart</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">It you can’t
prove it’s true, then give it a pass</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">Try taking
your head out of your ass</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">Do research
and make sure the pieces all fit</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">Because the
world is full of bullshit</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">Here’s my
one wish for this holiday season</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">Give
yourself over to knowledge and reason</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">And now
here’s something you might find funny </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">there
really, for sure, is an Easter Bunny!”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">Then Santa
stood up and gave a big clap</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">Reached out
his hand and gave me a dope slap</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">And he was
gone before I could retort</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">So I just
sat down to read The Drudge Report.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">OH, one more
thing, I’ve left a loose flag</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">Yes, Jeff
Pliskin, Paul Ryan’s a douchebag!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Well, there it is, always inspirational. Hope you enjoy your Solstice, Xmas, Hannukah, Kwanza or whatever, and may your New Year be awesomely groovy.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-716771656140639209.post-73793375478728975552012-10-31T10:36:00.001-06:002012-10-31T10:36:33.054-06:00Why I Am Voting For ObamaIt will come as no surprise to anyone who knows me that I will be voting for Obama next Tuesday. My conservative friends back in Clarence, NY all think I am a raging liberal, which I am not, mostly because I never bought into the GOP history of the town we grew up in. In fact, I find both parties mostly repulsive and incompetent, but the GOP ideas are far more backward, dangerous, and threatening to liberty and equality in this country. I thought I would lay out some specifics on why I am voting for Obama.....which mostly boils down to "Because he is not a Republican!".<br />
<br />
ECONOMICS<br />
<br />
Neither party has any history of doing anything sensible when it comes to economics, and I don't expect them to start now. The Democrats are addicted to throwing money at problems, then refusing to stop or change programs that are no longer workable. The GOP is addicted to tax cuts, to the extent that they will gladly let education, health care, and infrastructure die in the name of Grover Norquist purity. If Romney were serious about cutting tax rates and doing away with ALL deductions, he would be worth paying attention to. However, he has refused to specify which deductions he would have to kill, because the only way his plan is revenue neutral, as he claims, is if he does away with tax-free health insurance from employers, and with the mortgage interest deductions. This is a good idea, but this waffling weenie does not have the guts to either say or do this job.<br />
<br />
My fear is that a Romney presidency would allow too many of the dangerously destructive economic ideas of the right to become reality. As a society, we must invest in human capital, and we must have infrastructure that allows us to conduct business, and Obama is correct when he said "You didn't build that". Romney spent a full year sucking up the right wing nuts in his party who think tax cuts are more important than good roads and bridges, and these guys are just wrong. In addition, Romney's main economic advisers are the same guys, Hubbard and Mankiw, who worked for W., and we know what an economic miracle they produced.<br />
<br />
Certainly, we need to deal with the deficit, particularly the ticking bomb of future entitlements. Simpson-Bowles was a good start but Ryan voted against it, and Obama ignored it, and Romney had taken every position under the sun. So, on economics both candidates get a fail from me!<br />
<br />
IMMIGRATION<br />
<br />
Here is the sensible way that immigration should be handled: As a free market issue. Neither party wants to do that. The GOP's desire to run all immigrants back to where they came from is clearly based in the underlying racism of the party, particularly the Tea Party. Meanwhile Obama has deported more people than any other Prez. But at least Obama has had the good sense to allow children who were brought here by their parents illegally, and who we have already paid to educate, to stay in the country so we can get the benefit of their skills and knowledge. The GOP, Romney included, has their heads extremely far up their asses, and apparently sees nothing but brown people who don't speak English invading their towns. Romney even proudly has the guy who wrote the Arizona and Alabama immigration laws on his list of aids.<br />
<br />
Restrictive immigration policies are bad economic policies. That is a truth that this country needs to accept!<br />
<br />
SOCIAL ISSUES<br />
<br />
This is, and has always been, the main reason that I tend to hold my nose and vote for Democrats. As long as the Religious Right is driving the social bus in the GOP, the party is unworthy of serious consideration. And the GOP is getting worse in this regard, not better. Social conservatives are wrong about everything. There is no God or Christianity in the constitution for a reason! These idiots want to teach creationism as science, replace policy with prayer, and treat people who are different like second class citizens. The Dems positions on these issues has not been great either, but they almost kept God completely out of their platform, which is where the fictional character belongs. And to Paul Ryan and all the other assholes who claim to be followers of Ayn Rand AND good Christians....CAN YOU STUPID FUCKS NOT READ? She was a committed and outspoken Atheist!<br />
<br />
FOREIGN POLICY AND NATIONAL DEFENSE<br />
<br />
Of the many things that George W. Bush fucked up, this was where he was worst. It is not the job of the US to tell everyone else in the world how to behave! But that was Bush policy, and that would also be Romney policy. In addition, we already spend more than the rest of the world combined on military spending, much of it as make work jobs to build weapons the military no longer needs. We don't need to spend more, as Romney clearly believes. And we don't need to start more wars, as Romney also seems to believe.<br />
<br />
Foreign policy is a tricky, complex issue that even well informed Americans have trouble comprehending. What the GOP calls Obama's "Apology Tour" was a much needed effort to show the rest of the world that we were not going to behave like the arrogant idiots who ran this country for the previous 8 years. Bringing back the NeoCons, who are advising Romney, will be a step back to the destructive, expensive policies of w and his band of morons. We can not afford that!<br />
<br />
THE TEA PARTY<br />
<br />
This band of ignorant buffoons poses the greatest threat to the progress of this country in my lifetime. Schooled only in Rand, Hayek, and the Bible, these idiots seem to think the 19th century was a really great time to be an American, and want to take us back there. Any politician who would seriously even talk to this group of yahoos is unworthy of anyone's vote. They have become the heart of the GOP, and Romney is now trying to run away from the year he spent sucking up to them to get the nomination. Maybe Mitt would govern as the moderate who didn't do all that great a job in MA, but who knows. The bottom line is, an Obama presidency is the best insurance that we have that none of the horrible ideas these guys spout come to be. Just their positions on immigration and money (the gold standard is second only to Communism as the dumbest economic idea I can think of) are enough to impoverish the nation.<br />
<br />
That's my thinking. What's yours? The President can not magically manage the economy to make unemployment go down, and if you think he can, then you are probably too stupid to be allowed to vote. But, the President can steer the country toward long term good, or bad. We had 8 years of horrible with George W. Bush, and Romney seems to want to return to too many of those policies.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-716771656140639209.post-68436598674028800792012-08-30T18:11:00.000-06:002012-08-30T18:21:35.116-06:00A Few Words About Social Security<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaLKD1mGBKl09QkvdZ-c41jNoTvNtJdXKAgOM3aV1qobofYIWAMo0u61_ycGXUJ5o7XeefnpQeIkUwtwxMa_dSP6kwhjxRLWQ5ejoK8uj1eGQP7N2_mItfRoNtEGcUWIVUz3ab36i55dmx/s1600/ss.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="243" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaLKD1mGBKl09QkvdZ-c41jNoTvNtJdXKAgOM3aV1qobofYIWAMo0u61_ycGXUJ5o7XeefnpQeIkUwtwxMa_dSP6kwhjxRLWQ5ejoK8uj1eGQP7N2_mItfRoNtEGcUWIVUz3ab36i55dmx/s320/ss.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
A few weeks ago my friend Maggie put one of those billboard thingys that you often see on Facebook on her page. It had to do with Social Security, and it seemed to me to be very simplistic, so I said that in response, to which Maggie replied "Oh do explain, professor". So, for Maggie and everyone else, here is a brief explanation of the facts and myths of Social Security, and my opinion on how me might "fix" it.<br />
<br />
<b>Myth #1 Social Security is a savings account set aside for you</b>. Social Security was designed as a "pay as you go" system, where money is taken from workers today and given to retired folks. While you work you pay in, and when you reach 65 you can sit on your ass at the early bird special and collect. Many are confused I think by the statement we receive every year. So, to say it is "not an entitlement" is not really true.<br />
<br />
<b>Sorta Myth #2 There is a Social Security Trust Fund. </b>In the 1980's, when the folks in Congress were a bit less dim than they are today, they actually looked at the problem the Baby Boom generation was going to create for Social Security. So, they increased the amount taken out of our checks, and until recently Social Security took in more than it paid out. The problem is that the extra money, according to law, was loaned to the rest of the government. Remember Al Gore saying "Lockbox" about 200 times during the 2000 election? He was talking about some way to sequester that money so it would be there. Now, the situation is that officially there is this trust fund, but it has all been loaned to the Federal Government, which means that it must be repaid by taxpayers. So we owe ourselves a shitload of money.<br />
<br />
<b>Myth #3 Social Security is Broke.</b> This is technically not true. Under current rules it has enough money in that "trust fund" to pay benefits for about 20 years ( the actual number depends on whose projections you look at, and projections that far ahead tend to be inaccurate). And it could pay lesser benefits for many years beyond that. So when people say "Social Security won't be there when I retire" it is pretty much nonsense. The problem is that we now have so much Federal debt, that the burden of paying it off along with paying social security and medicare in the future will mean the government won't be able to do anything else. But it is not SS that is broke. It will, though, under current rules, not be able to pay the benefits it now pays (adjusted for inflation) in the future unless something is done about it.<br />
<br />
<b>You May Not Know This But....</b><br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>When SS was created in the 1930's and the retirement age was set at 65, the life expectancy was around 65, which means about 50% of people would never collect a cent. Today it is close to 80 years.</li>
<li>Because of the baby boom and social changes, the number of workers paying into the system for each retiree has dropped from 16 in 1950 to about 3 today.</li>
<li>At a bit over $110k per year of income, they stop taking social security taxes out of your paycheck. If you have never made that much money, or don't work in payroll, you probably are not aware of that. So, if you make $110k per year, you and your employer (or just you, if you are self-employed) pay the same amount into SS as Lebron James, Bill Gates and Lady Gaga. So SS is a regressive tax.</li>
</ul>
<div>
<b>How I would "Fix" it...</b></div>
<div>
<ul>
<li>Raise the age. A year or two of paying in versus taking money out is a substantial amount of money. And clearly, folks who are 65 today are in far better health than those in 1938.</li>
<li>Raise or do away with the income cap for paying the tax.</li>
</ul>
<div>
I'll be honest: I haven't done the numbers, but I am pretty sure those 2 fixes would go a long way to allowing future retirees to receive the same benefits as the ones today do.</div>
</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Now, anyone want to get into Medicare's problems?</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-716771656140639209.post-55002246515005970482012-07-02T15:47:00.000-06:002012-07-02T15:47:32.941-06:00NO, I Did Not Forget What A Paragraph Is!For some reason Blogger has decided not to put the paragraph breaks that I used into my last two blog posts. Fucking great work guys! Sorry they look like shit and are hard to read.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-716771656140639209.post-65050957224648895882012-07-02T15:42:00.001-06:002012-07-02T15:53:15.823-06:00What I Learned From Our Little Fire<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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With the fire that started last Tuesday on the mountain near my house under control, thanks to the great efforts of a bunch of fire fighters, it is kind of amusing to look at the way it affected me and my neighbors when we got a "pre-evacuation", reverse 911 call at around 5:30 that evening.<br />
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I was working on the Banjo Billy Bus that day, and at about 3pm I saw a plume of smoke coming up over the mountains. It was clear that the fire was on the other side of the mountain, so I was not terribly concerned. By 5pm, when I again was where I could get a view of what was going on, I could see that my neighborhood on the southern edge of Boulder was now covered in smoke, enough smoke so that it was now impossible to tell exactly what was burning. Oh, and did I mention that it was an extremely hot and windy afternoon, the kind that is perfect for spreading a fire? As a matter of fact, those very same conditions caused the fire in Colorado Springs to blow completely out of control that afternoon and destroy about 350 homes.<br />
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As I finished my tour in downtown Boulder my phone rang. My step-brother Jim, who lives in Superior about 8 miles from me, was calling to offer help and a place to stay if I needed it. At this point all I know is that there is smoke over my house, and I had seen some neighbors heading home early while I was finishing my tour. "Do you know something I don't know?", I asked. He said he had heard there were pre-evac calls. So now I am in a hurry to get home, and the "pre-evac" call comes a few minutes after Jim's. The call says to prepare for possible evacuation. What the HELL does THAT mean?<br />
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It turns out it means a lot of different things to different people. To me if meant trying to figure out on the way home what I absolutely would be screwed if I lost. When I got home, adrenaline pumping, I grabbed a bunch of files from my file cabinet (financial stuff, stuff I'd written long ago, my REAL birth certificate) and threw the in a suitcase and put that in the car. Then I took pictures of everything in the house. Then, I had a sandwich while I tried to think of what else, other than some clothes, I had to take if I had to go. Sad thing, or maybe happy thing, is that I just don't have that much stuff I can't replace. Some of my neighbors, by the way, either grabbed all their stuff and left, or loaded their cars and had them parked, facing out, ready to go.
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So, now it's about 7:30, I've done all I can think to do without a real evacuation order and......what? I thought I'd relax and watch some TV, like maybe CH 7 in Denver which had switched to full-time coverage of "Colorado Burning", dumping their regular programming. And what do I see trying to "relax"? A bit about the fire near my house, but nothing new. Mostly they are showing bunch of horrible video of the Waldo Canyon fire that now threatened to burn Colorado Springs and had caused evacuation of the Air Force Academy. And the tale of how that fire got whipped from small to disastrous in just minutes. Oh, and every ten minutes they cut to the weather guy, who to me is saying "It will never, ever, rain again in Colorado, high winds are coming, and we are all doomed". Thinking back on it, there is a good chance that is not what he actually said, but that's what I heard. But it was all very relaxing!<br />
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The other form of entertainment was standing outside on the street with my neighbors and staring up at the mountains, looking to see if there are any flames on this side of it, and cheering on the slurry bombers. There were. Near the top, but still, remember the weather report said wind and no rain. We were doomed!<br />
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And that's what I learned from the fire....that it is impossible to relax when you think that you may have to run from your home at any minute. Even though logic told me that the fire was on the other side of the mountain, and we had watched the slurry bombers laying fire retardant on our side of the mountain, and any fire would have to go through a lot of sprinkler systems to get to my house, I could not relax. I did fall asleep, mostly because my adrenaline rush finally wore off. But then I woke up in the middle of the night and looked out my window at the mountain, where I could see flames.<br />
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In the history of Colorado wildfires, this 300 acre fire is nothing. But it freaked us out here in Shanahan Ridge like our pants were on fire. Which makes me really feel for the people who live in areas where fire has actually attacked. Imagine the weeks of this some people have to live through.
It also gave me even more respect for my friends Dave and Maggie, who run the murder mystery company I work for. When the area of the mountains west of Boulder was on fire in September of 2010, they not only kept their shit together, but they managed to grab all the stuff that the murder company would need to do the show we were scheduled for at the Boulderado that Friday. And they were sure their house was on fire when they left. When they called me on Wednesday after they had been evacuated to ask for my help in making copies of something for the script, I was shocked that the show would go on. Hearty folks, those mountain people.<br />
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Later this week I hope to write a bit more about how bad the fire threat is, why, and how unprepared we are for this. There has been a lot of good stuff written in the <a href="http://www.denverpost.com/wildfires">Denver Post</a> about it recently. But now, with smoke no longer rising over the mountain, I think I'll relax.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-716771656140639209.post-6239494236433063032012-06-15T16:39:00.000-06:002012-06-15T16:39:38.105-06:00Political Ads Appeal to our Lazy BrainsSometimes, a bunch of stuff from different sources comes together in my brain. My "slow" brain, that is.
I recently started reading <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Thinking-Fast-Slow-Daniel-Kahneman/dp/0374275637">"Thinking Fast and Slow" by Daniel Kahneman</a>, which is based on the idea of two types of thinking which he calls System 1 and System 2. System 1 operates quickly and automatically, with very little effort on the part of the thinker. You see a guy in a red shirt and your brain goes "red shirt" without much thought. Or you can add 2+2. System 2 gets involved to in more in-depth thinking and problem solving. It requires more effort and concentration. If you had to multiply 123x456 in your head, you need system 2.
There is some interesting research in his book about what happens when the two different systems are at work that is far too extensive to go into here. But one thing that is interesting is that the two systems arrive often arrive at different answers. A popular example is solving this problem:
<blockquote>A boy buys a bat and ball for a total of $1.10. The bat cost $1 more than the ball. What did the ball cost?</blockquote>
If I made you answer that in 2 seconds, there is a good chance you answer it with system 1 and say "10 cents". However, if I give you a minute to think about it, and you are not too lazy to use system 2 to think about it, you will come up with the correct answer of 5 cents. Some people, however, would be too lazy to bother to switch on system 2, and stick with the wrong answer.
Last night I was reading "TF&S" right after watching Jeopardy, during which I was bombarded at every break with ads from Obama and Romney providing conflicting, shallow and misleading information about Romney's performance as Gov. of Mass, during which I posted on Facebook about how they must assume we are idiots. As I read, what goes on with political advertising became apparent, and was reinforced this morning when I read Factcheck.org Director Brooks Jackson's piece "<a href="http://factcheck.org/2012/06/why-the-truth-still-matters/">Why the Truth Still Matters"</a>. Political ads are designed to work on System 1.
Almost all political ads take selected facts about a candidate and make those appear as if that is the candidate's entire story. Okay, those are the closest to honest ones. Others, mostly being run now by the Superpacs, take things completely out of context, or just outright lie. Either way, the 20 second ad that says "Romney, job creator", which during Jeopardy in this swing state is followed by "Romney, job destroyer" are trying to plant that connection in your head, and assume you will not apply system 2 thought to the situation and actually think about what was said. And they definitely assume you are too lazy to look up the real facts.
I guess there is nothing surprising about that, except that when it happens when I'm watching Jeopardy I really have to wonder who is placing the ads. The whole point of the game is to get your system 2 brain operating at full capacity and full speed. It is not a system 1 type of show. So, why are they wasting their money insulting those of us who enjoy the brain exercise of Jeopardy with their ads. Do they really think Jeopardy watchers are so dumb and lazy they will buy this bullshit? Or do they just have so much money to spend they need to put ads somewhere?
Maybe I am just exhausted from living in a swing state all these years. Those of you who live in safe states, consider yourself lucky, even if your guy is going to lose in your state. At least you don't get this constant barrage of crap that makes you hate Democracy by November! Meanwhile, I am looking forward to finishing the book, and maybe it will explain how Jeopardy contestants are able to think the way they do. Or maybe former Jeopardy contestant Budd Bailey can explain it to us.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-716771656140639209.post-85729221109424752102012-05-29T16:41:00.000-06:002012-05-29T16:41:04.034-06:00Vacationing in Louisville?Everyone knows that America's great vacation spots are the Grand Canyon, Disney, and Louisville,KY!
Ok, most folks wouldn't have the last one on the list, and maybe the last 2. I am not going to defend Disney, but I was recently in Louisville and had a great time. Doing what? Well, for starters there is <a href="http://www.churchilldowns.com/">Churchill Downs</a>, home of the Kentucky Derby, and one of the last race tracks in America that is kept in decent shape and appears to have people attending it. If you like sports and alcohol, and who doesn't, then you know that having a mint julep at Churchill Downs is one of those things you JUST GOTTA DO! Cashing a winning ticket would have been nice too, but I'll have to go back for that pleasure.
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But the fun in Louisville does not end there. Anyone who played baseball at all has swung a <a href="http://www.sluggermuseum.org/">Louisville Slugger</a>, and they still make all their wooden bats in a brick factory in downtown Louisville. And you can take a tour right through the actual working factory. You can also go into their batting cage and swing the same bats they make for major leaguers. Funny, they don't seem to get the same results when operated by mere mortals, but the man who runs the batting cage is polite and manages to avoid laughing....at least he did until we left!
Just around the corner from the bat factory is the <a href="http://www.alicenter.org/">Muhammed Ali Center</a>. This might have been worth the trip to Louisville by itself. It is a multi-media experience guiding you through the life of probably the most interesting and influential athlete of the 20th century (Jackie Robinson would be the only other person in that conversation!). From Ali's early life in Louisville, to his boxing prowess, his conversion to Islam, legal troubles, and classic fights, you could easily spend the whole day in there. They even have Ali's Rolls Royce. And you can shadow box with The Greatest. In fact, my friend Art has a picture of me cowering as Ali's shadow pummels me. This is an outstanding tribute to an amazing man.
Not far from Louisville is the state capital of Frankfort, which is also right in the heart of Bourbon Country. We only had time to visit one distillery,<a href="http://www.buffalotrace.com/"> Buffalo Trace</a>. We got a great tour, and got to sample some excellent whiskey. And our tour guide actually said "new fangled"! Did you know it is all just crappy white moonshine until it has been aged in the barrels? Unfortunately, we did not get to sample any of their Pappy Van Winkle's brand, which is very rare and sells for over $500 on Ebay.
Ok, you might now say, Louisville sounds cool, but what the hell were you doing there? Well, every couple years I do a "Boys Trip" with my 3 best friends from college, Art, Steve and Gordon. And Art is now President of a company that owns a very successful minor league baseball team in Dayton,OH that he has been telling us we have to visit. We figured we wouldn't find much to do in Dayton other than that, so we went to Louisville first. Then, we drove north and were treated like royalty by the nice folks at Fifth Third Park in Dayton. It is a damn shame that the Reds have sent none of their best prospects to become <a href="http://www.milb.com/index.jsp?sid=t459">Dayton Dragons</a> this year, because the folks who work for the team, and the fans who sell out the park every night deserve better than the players we saw, who are likely to be selling Lady Kenmores pretty soon.
The only disappointment was that we didn't get the chance to stick a Reds game in the agenda. They were out of town. Oh well, maybe that will be an excuse for a future Boys Trip.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-716771656140639209.post-39719987268366150732012-04-10T15:28:00.003-06:002012-04-10T16:10:34.821-06:00I must be old because I listen to podcasts instead of music.If you see me at the gym, or on my bike, I will probably have headphones in my ears. You might expect I'm listening to the Allman Brothers, or Coltrane, or Lady Gaga, but I'm probably not (DEFINITELY NOT Lady Gaga!). I'm probably listening to a podcast of some kind. I have found a bunch of podcasts that are either entertaining, informative, or both, and I thought I would share them with you.<br /><br />Let's start with the NPR stuff. Chances are you are already familiar with "<a href="http://www.thisamericanlife.org/">This American Life</a>", "<a href="http://www.cartalk.com/">Car Talk</a>", and "<a href="http://www.npr.org/templates/rundowns/rundown.php?prgId=35">Wait Wait, Don't Tell Me</a>". I used to try to plan my weekends around listening to "Car Talk", but now I don't have to. You can download the latest show from each of these on the Monday following the weekend.<br /><br />As if having NPR podcasts on my MP3 is not geeky enough, I listen to several real nerdfests. The authors of "<a href="http://www.freakonomics.com/radio/">Freakonomics</a>" have turned their books into a multi-media empire. About once a month they do an hour-long show, and have shorter pieces in between. But they can't come close in econ-geekiness to "<a href="http://www.econtalk.org/">Econtalk</a>". Each week George Mason U. economist Russ Roberts hosts a chat with another economist. Despite being a Hayek-utopian, Roberts is a great host, in that he makes sure that his guests speak in a language anyone can understand, and when he disagrees with them he does so politely and asks them to explain themselves like a gentleman. He is the anti-Bill O'Reilly.<br /><br />The geekdom does not end there. English economist Tim Harford does a podcast called "<a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b006qshd">More or Less</a>", where he actually looks at the numbers behind things that people believe are true. And for real science, as opposed the the dismal kind, I enjoy "<a href="http://www.radiolab.org/series/podcasts/">Radiolab</a>". Their work often appears on various NPR shows, but you can find hour-long shows about science and discovery, along with "shorts" on an irregular basis from these wise guys.<br /><br />If you asked questions at Sunday School that made the teacher squirm, you might be interested in "<a href="http://ffrf.org/news/radio/shows/">Free Thought Radio</a>", from the fine people at the Freedom From Religion Foundation, who are devoted to the separation of church and state. A more entertaining Athiest, and a newcomer to podcasting is Penn Jilette, of Penn and Teller, who does a show each Sunday called <a href="http://pennsundayschool.com/">"Penn's Sunday School"</a>. And the great Harry Shearer of Spinal Tap and The Simpsons fame, does a show called "<a href="http://www.kcrw.com/etc/programs/ls/ls120408le_show_-_april_8_20?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+kcrw%2Fls+%28Le+Show+%28Harry+Shearer%29%29&utm_content=My+Yahoo">Le Show</a>" each Sunday. He's not an Athiest, or if he is he doesn't say, but he does ask a lot of difficult questions about stuff going on in the world.<br /><br />Finally, there is "<a href="http://www.wtfpod.com/">WTF with Marc Maron</a>". Maron usually interviews other comedians. Since becoming a professional comedian is a really hard route to take in life, his guests usually have some very funny, or maybe horrifying, stories about their lives to tell, and do so in an amusing way.<br /><br />There you have some suggestions of ways to be entertained and informed when your hands and eyes are occupied. Check them out. And let me know if I'm missing anything good. I'm going out in the yard to pull dandelions and listen to Econtalk.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-716771656140639209.post-16349025935609707162012-04-01T12:20:00.002-06:002012-04-01T13:01:38.294-06:00What Troubles me about the Treyvon Martin CaseLast November I was visiting my sister at her condo in Florida, and one day we were at the pool sharing the Tampa Tribune. Being old people, we had purchased the print version or the newspaper. At one point she hands me the local news section of the paper, and I said "I'm not all that interested in local news here". "Oh, you should read this. You are in Florida, and there is always something really crazy in the local news" she replied. <br /><br />The killing of Treyvon Martin has now become another out of control news story, with the usual bloviators from the right and left trying to convict either Zimmerman for murder or Martin for....well, I guess the argument is that he was no angel because he's been in trouble at school, and therefore it was OK for him to get stalked and killed. <br /><br />There are 2 things about this case that really trouble me. The first is the "Stand Your Ground" law that Florida passed in 2005 making this entire controversy possible. No surprise that the NRA, whose motto is "America is safer when we all shoot each other", was behind getting this law passed. It states that you needn't retreat before using force if you feel your life is threatened. It was sold as allowing victims of domestic violence to fight back, or shoot, when they are threatened, instead of having to run. <br /><br />Now, I am all for shooting anyone engaged in domestic violence, but the Martin case shows the unintended consequences of this law. And, it raises the question "Where is the line for feeling threatened?". Can you shoot someone who looks at you funny on the street? How about if they look scary and they cross the street and are now on your side of the street walking towards you? Surely, you might feel your life is in danger, so fire away! And say you are frightened of people of other races. Can you just hunt one down and kill him for being in your neighborhood? The Sanford police say yes. Just open fire, say self defense, and the cops will buy it, and you won't even have to stand trial. That bothers me.<br /><br />Which brings me to the other problem with this, more specific to this case. Even if Zimmerman's story is true, which may not be the case, he still caused this altercation. Martin was walking down the street. There is no indication he was looking for any trouble until he became upset at Zimmerman following him. And Zimmerman did exactly the opposite of what the 911 people told him to do. Yet, the police just buy his self-defense story? Seems he should have received a lot more scrutiny, considering he had ignored police orders. <br /><br />Which brings me to this question: What if Martin had also had a gun, and he had decided his life was in danger because this white guy was stalking him? He is in the south, where white guys have been known to kill black guys for being black, so not really a stretch. So, if Martin had shot Zimmerman and said "this white guy was following me and I thought he would tie me to his car and drag me to death", would he have gotten the same free pass from the cops? I am guessing not.<br /><br />The real crime in this case is the Florida law, and the NRA is the criminal. My guess is the right wing nuts are so desperate to make Martin look like some kind of evildoer to divert attention from their beloved promotion of gun violence. These are, after all, the same people who think having guns in bars is a good policy.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-716771656140639209.post-75370782118867010592012-03-26T15:15:00.004-06:002012-03-27T09:45:16.300-06:00Who is swayed by a robocall?There you are, cold brew in one hand, remote in the other, switching between the hockey game, the basketball game and Dancing With the Stars when your phone rings. You drop the remote (always save your beer!) and answer it, to hear an obviously recorded voice say "Hi, this is Mr. Personwethinkyourespect, and we'd like you know that Glenn Locke is in favor of skinning live puppies, and you should vote for Budd Bailey in the coming election. Budd Bailey does not skin live puppies". Your reaction to that call, of course, is to say "Well, that does it. I was going to vote Locke, but now I'm voting for Bailey". And Bailey wins the election over the clearly more qualified and better looking candidate. Right?<br /><br />Not likely. If you have Caller ID, you likely didn't recognize the number and didn't pick up. Or, if you did answer, you probably hung up the minute you recognized that it was a recording and not your lawyer calling with the results of that paternity test. And if you did listen to the message, your response was probably "What kind of an idiot does Bailey think I am. That bastard! I almost spilled my beer".<br /><br />The other day I heard someone discussing the GOP primaries, and there was talk about Romney and his PACs using his money to bombard voters with ads and robocalls. I thought "what kind of moron responds to a robocall?". So, I googled robocalls in a couple of ways, looking for some evidence that they work. What I seem to have found is that the limited amount of science done on this (if you are a Republican, science is where you do research to find out what the facts are) show that robocalls either seldom, or never work. Now that I am writing this, I will look to see what the impact of negative political ads are. <br /><br />So, if the research shows they don't work, why the hell would a politician waste his scarce resource on robocalls? Are they too stupid to read the research? They are politicians and therefore not in touch with too many actual facts, so I guess that is possible. Certainly, robocalls are pretty cheap. But cheap is still expensive if it doesn't help your cause, or, as with me, makes me less likely to vote your way. Is paying to insult the intelligence of voters really a good idea? If anyone knows a politico who can answer this, please have them call...er, make the email me. Because the Stanley Cup playoffs are starting soon, and I won't be putting down my beer or remote until they are over!<br /><br />Full disclosure,by the way, I used to be in the telemarketing business. I worked for 2 different telemarketing companies from 1984-1993. Didn't make the calls, I just pimped for the people who did. And yes, we used people. We actually investigated robocalling with some of our clients, but they were concerned about offending their customers. Needless to say, none of my former clients are running for President.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-716771656140639209.post-68295462429109891252012-03-14T18:35:00.003-06:002012-03-15T08:56:28.275-06:00Some things on my mind.<strong>POLLS</strong> I saw a poll today from Pew that said Obama would kick Romney or Santorums butt by double digits in a general election, and that his approval rating was 56%. Previous polls this week said his approval was dropping, and a general election would be close. Meahwhile, Nate Silver, who was pretty damn accutate about the 2008 election, and now can be found at his <a href="http://fivethirtyeight.blogs.nytimes.com/">538 Blog at the NY Times</a>, didn't have Santorum winning either MS or AL last night. What gives?<br /><br />Well, unlike most other things, technology is ruining, not improving, polling. First, many people no longer have land lines,which makes them hard to reach. Or, they have caller ID which makes them hard to reach. And people are too damn busy to answer a bunch of poll questions. I believe that leaves pollsters with lonely old ladies to talk to. It is actually amazing that these guys are even close. Getting a representative sample of the voting population has to be damn near impossible today.<br /><br />Silver, by the way, is not a pollster, but an aggregator. He takes the data from all the polling sources and combines them, with adjustment for timing and bias. This idea seems to make sense, as he is using thousands of responses, instead of 1000 or fewer an individual poll would have. But he is having a hell of a time getting the primaries right. Meanwhile, every poll is reported by all the news sources because.....well, they need something to talk about.<br /><br />Can't anyone just say "I have no idea what is going to happen"?<br /><br /><strong>GAS PRICES</strong>: Okay first, quit your fucking whining you spoiled Americans! You have the cheapest gas by far in the developed world. Second, there is little the President, either Obama or the guys who want to replace him, can do about the price. And if you throw out the things that are just plain stupid to do, like a price ceiling or emptying the strategic reserve, there is nothing.<br /><br />Gas prices have gone up because world oil prices have gone up. World oil prices have gone up because of increased world demand, and because of political unrest in the Middle East. Drilling every possible well in the US won't solve the problem, and won't even help in the short run. <br /><br />And for the GOP "Drill Baby Drill" idiots, here is a fact you don't want to admit: US oil production is higher now than when Obama became President, not less. And another question for the GOP presidential candidates: What will the price of gas be after you start that war with Iran that you are itching for?<br /><br /><strong>NCAA HOOP</strong> March Madness is here, and it leaves me with a dilemma similar to my feelings about XMAS. I love the tourney, hate the NCAA. It is a monopoly and should be illegal. It has a set of rules that rival the US tax code in complexity and lack of good sense. And the idea that the players not only don't get paid, but that their images are used to make money for others is outrageous, if not just plain criminal. <br /><br />So that means I will ignore the Big Dance for moral reasons, right? No, I will be heading to the sports bar for lunch tomorrow and Friday to watch 4 games at once. But I'll feel dirty doing it!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-716771656140639209.post-35345266094944276742012-02-09T16:11:00.002-07:002012-02-09T16:34:13.342-07:00What Do Economist Think About That?Oscar Wilde once said "If you laid all the Economists in the world from head to toe, they still wouldn't reach a conclusion". I am not going to get into which economists Wilde may have been interested in laying,although Keynes was known to play for Wilde's team at times, if you know what I mean. What I am going to do is show you a place where you can find what an assortment of academic economists from the country's better universities think about various subjects in public policy.<br /><br />The University of Chicago Booth School of Business, which has produced many great minds, such as those of Art Matin and Steve Ross, has a project called the Initiative on Global Markets, or IGM Forum for short. They have assembled a panel of Economists who blog about various subjects. They also regularly poll the panel on various subjects of public policy. You can find their web site <a href="http://www.igmchicago.org/home">HERE</a>. If you go to the tab that says Economics Experts Panel you will find a list of questions, and the data on whether this group agrees or disagrees with a statement. Below that you can see how each member voted, and some often amusing comments.<br /><br />Bored yet? Yes, I'm an Econ geek but I found this fascinating. I think if Mr. Wilde were around today he would find it surprising, as these folks seem to be in agreement on a lot of topics. They hate the idea of returning to the gold standard, and they hate the war on drugs. They think China is keeping it's currency undervalued. They think taxing things that we'd like less of, like traffic congestion and carbon, is a far better way to approach the problem than a bunch of rules. In fact, there are few things on the list on which there was a great deal of disagreement. Too bad Hakek and Keynes aren't alive to create a lively argument.<br /><br />The panel they have seems to fairly represent the conservative schools like Chicago and Stanford, and the liberal ones like Harvard. It's a small but distinguished group. <br /><br />The question now is, why are you still reading this. I gave you a link to a fabulous source of interesting information. Go check it out. It may change the way you think about things.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-716771656140639209.post-67880084137522929582012-02-02T18:39:00.003-07:002012-02-03T18:57:00.324-07:00My Fun With MormonsEveryone but Newt Gingrich knows that Mitt Romney is going to win the GOP nomination, despite the endorsement of Trump (can Obama get any better news?). Which means that we will hear a lot of discussion over the next 8 months about whether Mormons are Christian enough to be considered real Christians by the real Christians, you know, the ones who love Jesus but ignore everything he said. In other words, the Republican base.<br /><br />As you probably know, I am an athiest. So, you are probably now expecting me to make fun of Mormons for their funny underwear and other beliefs. And, of course, it's all silly, but I can do that about any religion. And if you are Christian, you know that is not what Jesus would do, so why would you want me to?<br /><br />No, I am going to tell you about my first encounter with Mormons.<br /><br />Growing up and living in the Northeast until I was 37, I never had much exposure to Mormons. I knew they didn't drink or swear, 2 things at which I have always excelled. So, I had a negative image of Mormons as a bunch of stuffy, unfun, boring people. Certainly not the kind of people I could hang out with, or have fun with. You know, like Mitt Romney.<br /><br />In 1989 my college friends Art, Steve, Gordon and I went on a rafting trip on the Salmon river in Idaho. I will leave out the details about how awesome and life-changing this trip was for me, but, well, it was awesome and life-changing.<br /><br />None of our group had spent any time around Mormons, and I think it is safe to say that my friends had the same image of them that I did. And, when we booked this trip, we had no idea that the company was owned by a Mormon named Verle, and that 3 of our 4 guides would be Mormon college students. So, here we find ourselves on this trip with the owner, 3 Mormon guides, one of the guides Mormon Mom, and another woman who was also of their tribe. Nightmare right?<br /><br />No, it was not. The Mormons on this trip were FUN!!! We had 5 fantastic days on the river with these people. And we drank beer and smoked pot at night, and invented new ways to combine obscenities when we fell out of the boat in a rapid. But the Mormons were cool about the whole thing. More than cool, they were fun. Good guys. We all got along great. At one point, the mom was undecided about whether or not she should hop out of the boat to cool off in a calm part of the river. So I just pushed her in. That night we had a "talent" show, and she asked me to help her tell a story. I quickly discovered she wanted my "help" as a way of pummeling me and getting revenge for pushing her in. Pretty cool!<br /><br />Does that mean I will vote for Mitt? No, it doesn't. But there is a lesson in there for all of us. Don't judge a whole group of people based on your own ignorance. People are people. Some are nice, some aren't. No matter what else they are.<br /><br />And now you are probably wondering if the Mormon guides wore their special Mormon underwear on the river. Sorry, some secrets can not be revealed.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1